At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
