Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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