**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This house was built for laser tag.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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