Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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