just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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