I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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