wanna go halves on a baby?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
