Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
