I CAN MOONWALK!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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