The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my poor anus
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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