I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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