just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
