she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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