why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
