I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
