I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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