I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need a sexual gate keeper
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
