My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
