I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pants are for mortals
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
