I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
