Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
