He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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