if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
