The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
