i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
