They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
