my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
