what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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