I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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