The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
