I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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