Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
