her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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