Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
