I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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