I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
