where am i from again
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
