The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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