I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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