noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
