mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
