i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
