You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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