why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
