Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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