he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
