This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
