Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
