During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
