I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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